The Closer (Sesame Street): Script VO

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. LA POLICE DEPARTMENT

A pink arm shuts the half-open door.

PROVENZA : Hey, chief. Can we go home now? I'm tired of working.

BRENDA : Negative. You know I never go home until all my cases are closed.

GABRIEL : But we closed all the cases, chief.

BRENDA : Is that right, sergeant?

GABRIEL : Yes.

BRENDA : Now what have we got here? Oh, oh, oh. Isn't this a pretty pencil case?

GABRIEL : It is.

BRENDA : Looks like somebody left it open.

PROVENZA : It wasn't me, chief. I didn't do it. no way.

BRENDA : Was it you, sergeant gabriel? Did you leave this case open?

GABRIEL : see, I needed a pencil, and I just--

BRENDA : Case closed!

She goes to Tao's desk.

BRENDA (CONT'D) : Oh, oh, oh, oh, my. Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Is this eyeglass case open, lieutenant?

TAO : Uh, it looks that way, chief. mm-hmm.

BRENDA : You left this case open, did you not, lieutenant tao?

TAO : Yes! I needed my glasses! I couldn't see!

BRENDA : Case closed.

She goes to Provenza's desk.

BRENDA (CONT'D) : Provenza.

PROVENZA : Huh?

BRENDA : What do you suppose a suitcase is doing in the Los Angeles Police Department?

PROVENZA : Well, I was gonna--

BRENDA : Is someone going away, Provenza?

PROVENZA : I was--

BRENDA : For a very long time?

PROVENZA : I was thinking of going to my grandma's.

BRENDA : With an open suitcase?

PROVENZA : I tried to close it, chief, but it won't close.

BRENDA : Well, of course not, silly. You have too much stuff in it.

She drops his clothes on the floor.

PROVENZA : What, what?

BRENDA : Mm-hmm. there you go. Case closed.

GABRIEL : Now that's what I call an open-and-shut case.

Brenda goes to her desk.

BRENDA : Anyone know why this briefcase is open?

TAO : Uh, no, chief. I have no idea.

GABRIEL (O.S.) : Chief, chief, chief.

He joins them at the desk.

GABRIEL (CONT'D) : That's your briefcase.

BRENDA : Oh. well, of course it is. Just wanted to see if y'all were paying attention. Heh heh heh! Case closed.

TAO : Nobody closes a case the way she does.

GABRIEL : Mm-hmm.

PROVENZA : Can we go home now, chief?

BRENDA : Not yet.

PROVENZA : But we closed all our cases.

BRENDA : Yes, but that's not all that needs closing around here. What about that drawer over there and that window, that bag, that box, that off-brand notebook computer, those blinds, hmm, hmm, hmm?

Provenza is flabbergasted.

BRENDA (CONT'D) : Now close your mouth, Provenza, unless you want me to close it for you.

Provenza gulps.

BRENDA (CONT'D) : Mm-hmm.

GABRIEL : No wonder they call here the closer.

FADE TO BLACK.

THE END